Charlottetown — City council, in collaboration with the Charlottetown Area Housing Authority, has released a statement encouraging Islanders to keep all cardboard boxes this Christmas season to donate them to the growing unhoused population.
“It makes sense. Thousands of families receive large boxed items every year at Christmas, and it seems a waste to let them be tossed into recycling when we all know the staying power of a good cardboard box and some packing tape,” explained Mayor Philip Brown in response to our reporter’s question, “Are you seriously asking people for cardboard boxes to give to the homeless?”
Council member Mitchel G. Tweel said, after he finished adjusting his “winter sandals,” “In addition to the collection of these cardboard boxes, I’ve called a meeting of the Tweels. Those with slum properties have agreed to take five dollars off the rent of any available rental units for persons who can prove that they are, in fact, homeless.”
He added that, “they will still have to pass a credit check, have a valid ID, and provide three references from previous landlords, of course.”
Deputy Mayor Alanna Jankov was ecstatic about the plan, saying, “I think it’s just a wonderful idea! It’s a very immediate and logical solution to both recycling the boxes and housing the homeless.”
Charlottetown resident Elliot Doyle was less positive. “This can’t be a real thing, right? I know that the council has done almost nothing to seriously help the problem, but…this…this is unbelievable!”
When pressed on the matter, Mayor Brown all but confessed their lack of action, stating, “This is just one step in our plan to eliminate the perception that we aren’t doing anything to help the homeless.”
He also added that the idea to reach out to the public for the boxes came when he realized that “big box store” does not, in fact, mean what he thought it had.