Moncton — Following a late-night robbery last week that saw a thief make off with nearly $15,000 worth of rare Magic: The Gathering cards, The Comic Hunter in downtown Moncton is casting a powerful enchantment spell to protect the store from future break-ins.
“It’s been a trying few days, for sure,” says owner Remi LeClair. “The cards that were stolen were very valuable and incredibly rare. Every precaution was taken to keep them safe, but we did not anticipate a high-level Asshole with First Strike breaking through our defensive barrier before we could counter.”
To that end, The Comic Hunter summoned its own “Circle of Protection: Asshole” in the hopes of discouraging similar attacks. Once cast, the spell prevents all damage from a single asshole source per turn.
The card is a rarity even for a comic store, as similar spells have been banned in other franchised hobby shops.
“We thought we didn’t need one at first,” LeClair added. “But there have been a lot of armed robberies in the city over the last few months and a lot of small business owners have been on edge during their upkeep phase.”
“I’ve seen folks coming in and stocking up on banishing spells, enchantments, artifacts, anything that could make them feel safer — but so far nothing has been working,” said one store employee.
“Assholes can still just walk in and take what they want,” he added. “And if they’re armed, you’d need a spell like Shatter or something to disarm them, and those are hard to come by.”
In the spirit of community, several other businesses in the city have come forward to help contribute to the spell’s high converted mana cost.
“Gamezilla let us use some of their Rampant Growth and Kodama’s Reach cards to help us find the mana we need to get back on our feet, which was nice.”
At press time, efforts were being made to ensure that The Comic Hunter did not accidentally summon the far less popular “Circle of Protection: Nerds” spell, which could potentially be disastrous for business.
lol i died at the kodama’s reach reference.