New Brunswick — In the same way New Brunswick’s provincial bird is the black-capped chickadee, our official flower is the purple violet and our tree is the balsam fir, “complaining about Tim Hortons” is now our provincial pastime.
Other provinces and territories were vying for the title, but New Brunswick beat out all other whiners and moaners to claim this particular brand of belly-aching as our own.
“Nowhere else in Canada are there more people who religiously buy Tim Hortons products while apparently hating the very products they buy every day,” said Thomas Jones, who submitted the province for consideration to the Government of Canada. “They also think the service is terrible, but continue to have sky-high expectations of the mediocre coffee chain.”
A Manatee reporter approached customers waiting in the Tims drive-thru at the corner of Regent and King streets in Fredericton. Many were parked on the street, blocking the morning rush-hour traffic.
Steve King rolled down his window to gripe about the food and coffee he was waiting to buy.
“I ordered two Boston Cream donuts last week, and they were stuck together with no wax paper at all!” he screamed. “And I swear the coffee was even worse than usual! The worker had no idea what I was trying to say and got my order wrong too! I asked for a double-double and got a triple-triple. How do these people manage to mess it up…” Our reporter then walked to the next vehicle in line to get a fresh take.
“They always run out of hashbrowns!” exclaimed an irate Rachel LeBlanc. “And the coffee is disgusting! And last time I ordered a bagel with cream cheese and they hardly put any cream cheese on it! And their app barely works!”
We asked LeBlanc why she doesn’t simply visit another coffee shop, if she hates Tim Hortons so much.
“Who said I hated it?!” she balked. “The other ones are too expensive. I mean, Tims is getting pricier these days too, but I can’t afford to go to a real coffee shop. I just like to vent about Tim Hortons…I’ll never stop buying from them, though.”
Many locals take to social media to air their Tims grievances.
“Facebook is good because I can post a picture of something gross I was served at Tims, and other people can share their stories,” said another complainer, Eva Bolton. “It’s a community, really — we all have something to say when it comes to Tim Hortons.”
By 2027, the provincial flag is expected to be updated with an image of a disgruntled New Brunswicker yelling at a Tim Hortons employee.