Fredericton — The Fredericton Police Force has opened applications for new police cruiser drivers after an increase of instances of police being outrun by Subarus with painted rims. Chief of Police Martin Gaudet says the force is taking interest in cars who frequent the left lane within city limits — not because they’re turning left, but because they need to be first in line.
“They know how to rev their engines up to 7,000 RPMs within seconds, so clearly they know what they’re doing,” Gaudet said in an interview. “These are the kinds of drivers we’re looking for to catch suspected fleeing vehicles.”
Gaudet also noted that these drivers have quick reflexes and plenty of practice weaving in and out of traffic, skills much sought-after for cruisers in pursuit of other vehicles who are wanted for a variety of dangerous reasons, such as loud exhausts, tinted windows and, worst of all, expired stickers.
“These people know how to get around. They’ll turn left even after the light has turned red, causing incredible inconvenience for the cars who have already started to move forward at the green light. They cut people off when their lane is ending and manage to avoid contact, and they even threaten people with the finger, scaring them off.”
The police force is desperate for more officers. With cars driving without headlights or driving in the middle of both lanes, it makes it incredibly difficult to see other vehicles’ license plates or window tints. The public is fed up with people not paying to register their vehicle on time.
“We’re hoping these new drivers can catch the real criminals putting Frederictonians in danger,” added Gaudet. Those interested in the job can simply drive really fast in the left lane to attract police attention.
This is the dumbest article I have ever read