Halifax teacher unveils full list of beer labels that personally offend him

Halifax — A Yarmouth-area microbrewery has come under fire on social media for one of their can designs, which shows a noose hanging from a tree. Critics are calling the image — and by extension the brewery owners — racist.

Halifax history teacher Brad Sorenson took personal offence for some reason, and contacted Tusket Falls Brewing Company to ask them about the design. He was told that each beer label represents a piece of local history and depicts landmarks near and dear to the area where the brewery operates. He was told that the tree — called the hanging oak — is simply a part of Tusket’s history, and that it makes a cool can design…and that’s it.

“Well, it makes me think of lynchings,” said Sorenson, who took today off work because he’s reportedly still in shock from seeing the label. “I’m offended, so that means they should apologize and pull that beer from their inventory. They need to take responsibility for my feelings in all this.”

Other Atlantic Canadian breweries, fearing for their livelihood, have asked Sorenson to enlighten them as to which of their own labels are offensive, so they can scrap them before a social media brigade sets out to destroy them. He was quick to release a list of brewery names, beer names, styles and logos that he deems inappropriate.

“Moosehead is one of those most offensive beer names anywhere. I mean, think about it — the word ‘head’…that’s referencing a sexual act. In very poor taste if you ask me. And when I was growing up I was a bit overweight and a bully called me a ‘moose.’ So that’s just hurtful.

“Lazy Bear Brewing bothers me to no end,” continued Sorenson. “Isn’t calling someone lazy an insult? Does everyone have to be productive 100 per cent of the time? That’s the implication I read into that one.”

Sorenson has plenty of problems with Tatamagouche’s beer names. “Their ‘Hippie Dippie Pale Ale’ is simply tone-deaf — hippie bashing is highly passé. Their ‘Butcher Block Red’ is too violent. Their ‘Lagerhosen’ is just German cultural appropriation. It’s best to avoid that brewery altogether.”

Sorenson continued to rant, and we took note of all his issues so that brewers can quickly destroy all evidence of their insensitivity:

• Garrison Brewing Wintervention: Problematic because the name could trigger anyone who’s been through an intervention, causing a relapse.
• Garrison Nut Brown Ale: The word “nut” is sexually suggestive and the word “brown” is racist.
• All of Unfiltered Brewing’s beers: Offensive because their website url is unfuckingfiltered.com.
• Big Spruce Cereal Killer Oatmeal Stout: This normalizes serial killing.
• Big Spruce Ra-Ra-Rasputin: This glamorizes promiscuity and attempted murder.
• Upstreet Brewing Commons Czech-Style Pilsner: This beer label shows a white horse, which has been used as slang for cocaine, therefore this beer promotes drug use.
• Picaroons Man’s Best Friend: This beer shows a dog on the label, which is not inclusive to cats.
• Picaroons Melon Head: Shows a cat on the label, which is not inclusive to dogs.
• Uncle Leo’s Brewing: Why can’t it be Aunt Leona’s? This is sexist.
• Pump House Brewing: Their logo is a fire hydrant, which promotes firefighting, which is a male-dominated profession. Enough said.
• Big Axe Brewing’s logo: Axes are used by axe murderers.
• Bogtrotter Tipsy Toad Pale Ale: The name encourages giving alcohol to animals.
• Maybee Brewing Sumac Witbier: The beer style discriminates against slow-witted people.
• Nine Locks Brewing Dirty Blonde: Not inclusive to brunettes and redheads.
• Garrison Tall Ship Amber Ale: What, so it’s not OK to be a short ship? Height shaming!
• Breton Brewing Redcoat: Promotes British imperialism.
• Hell Bay Brewing: Invokes negative, dark imagery. Why not call it Heaven Bay?
• Good Robot Brewing Extra Big-Ass Beer: This amounts to fat-shaming.
• Propeller Brewing: Think of all the poor, defenseless sea creatures that have been sliced and diced in boat propellers!

Some say Sorenson is merely looking for a fight and creating problems out of nothing, and that if he doesn’t like it, he should simply not patronize the breweries he takes issue with.

“Oh, I don’t drink beer,” he said. “Never liked the taste of it.”