Fredericton — Due to poor planning by both the municipal and provincial governments, the capital city is once again a car-congested clusterfuck.
The ongoing construction and the closure of the Princess Margaret Bridge means motorists’ commutes around the city during peak traffic times can add up to hours on each end, especially if there’s an accident on the Westmorland Street Bridge, which there usually is.
Among the problems facing drivers:
- The Marysville bridge has been down to one lane for construction that has extended into years rather than months, with no clear end in sight.
- The Penniac Bridge was torn down at the same time as construction on the Marysville bridge began, with no plan for a replacement.
- The Princess Margaret Bridge, which underwent construction and repairs just last year, is now closed for five weeks to repair those repairs.
- Everyone in the city is relying on the Westmorland Street Bridge to get anywhere — especially work.
Premier Blaine Higgs, though, is proposing an unconventional solution to the traffic woes.
“Look, it takes a while to do all this construction — that’s just the way it is,” he told us during a Zoom press conference from his home office. “If you could quit complaining on Facebook and put in a few hours here and there on the bridge work, it would all go a lot faster. Many hands make light work, as they say.”
Northsider Courtney Fox, a government employee, said Higgs himself has refused to condone any work-from-home policy, even temporarily.
“My job can be done from anywhere, but no, I have to wait in traffic for two hours both ways to sit in a cubicle. Wouldn’t working from home make a lot more sense than having me use my business administration degree out there on the roads? I don’t know the first thing about construction work! What would I even do…mix asphalt? Hold a sign? Drill a hole?”
Higgs, never one to change his plans based on sound reasoning, pontificated further.
“I look at the city or provincial construction updates online quite often. Well, my assistant does. I know all you slackers are just sitting in your cars hoping someone else will do the hard work. It wouldn’t kill you to help out.
“That’s why I’ve had my assistant create a sign-up sheet. I’ll have it mailed out to every household in the city and you can all decide between you which days you want to go put in a shift at the Princess Margaret.”
Desmond Lovett, longtime southside resident, said our taxes should cover this work.
“We pay out the arse in taxes, so what if that money actually went to cover the cost of construction crews working overnight? I mean, we supposedly have a huge budget surplus — what is Higgs’s plan for that?”
Upon hearing that, Higgs claimed his internet connection was faulty and suddenly left the meeting.