New Brunswick — NB Liquor, or ANBL, heard the public outcry when a price hike on most products was announced, and the Crown corporation has come up with a unique solution to keep taxes at a reasonable level.
“Our staff will manually remove two bottles or cans from each two-four at the checkout to set aside for our C-suite folks, who will accept this instead of more traditional revenue growth,” said spokesperson Amy MacPhee.
“In the case of wine or spirits, the equivalent of two glasses or two shots will be poured into a receptacle near the cash register to create a sort of ‘jungle juice’ that some of the trashier execs can enjoy on weekends.”
She added that the premier and his cabinet will receive “a certain fraction” of the confiscated bottles for their own personal use.
Our reporter caught up with Higgs on the lawn of the legislature building, where he was reclining in a beach chair, cracking what appeared to be his eighth Alpine.
“I can quit any time,” said Premier Blaine Higgs, taking a sip and sighing contentedly. “I don’t need the beer, I just enjoy a drink on a nice day. Is that a crime?”
We reminded Higgs that taking two bottles or cans from a 24-pack actually amounts to more money taken from the consumer than the proposed $2 price increase. How can you justify this to citizens?
“Jussstiffyyy?” he slurred. “Justify my ass!”
The New Brunswick residents we chatted with said while the measure is an annoyance, it’s less of a problem than yet another tax hike.
“People always bum a couple of your two-four anyway,” said Royce Mueller of Harvey. “I’d rather pay the same price at checkout and have ’em bummed right off the bat. I”ll just have to watch the 22 I got left like a hawk.”