New Brunswick — While The Manatee has existed for nearly a year and a half, the satirical publication has yet to accomplish its most important and original goal: getting a Facebook like from Premier Brian Gallant on any published story, status or photo.
“That thumbs-up from our premier is the one thing we’ve wanted all along, whether or not we dared to say it out loud,” admitted longtime Manatee reporter Paul Lewis. “We’ve tried everything in 2014 and 2015 we could think of — we covered all kinds of stories in the hopes that just one would get his attention, but nothing has. I’m truly at a loss as to what this man enjoys.”
“This is going to be our year, though. I can practically feel it,” blurted a hopeful Manatee co-founder Alex Vietinghoff. “We’ve ruled things out along the way, like deliberately calling him sexy and comparing him with the likes of Trudeau, so we know he doesn’t bite on that. But he also hasn’t liked a weather story, and through process of elimination we know he’s also not interested in business, entertainment, science, sports or even politics. So maybe he’d like a story about, I don’t know… international affairs? Maybe he just doesn’t care about New Brunswick-specific issues?”
“I’m starting to think he just doesn’t go on Facebook at all,” said Manatee reporter Shawn Rouse. “That would explain the utter silence and indifference from him. But if he’s not online, just what is he doing with his time, other than working out?”
“We’re still in phase 1,” explained Manatee co-founder Shauna Chase. “Our 5-year, long-term goal is to not only get a like, but a ‘share’ as well, and maybe even a retweet. Can you imagine? Then we’ll know we’ve really made it.”
The Manatee invites all its valued readers to offer their thoughts on what, if anything, they believe could seal the deal and get that coveted social media “like” from Gallant.