Unilingual police service dogs given pink slips

Unilingual police service dogs given pink slips

New Brunswick — As a result of a recent wide-reaching investigation by the official languages commissioner, the majority of police service canines in the province were given their walking papers due to their lack of fluency in both official languages.

Commissioner Katherine d’Entremont issued a report earlier this week, which came down hard on all front-line public sector employees who are unable to converse in both English and French. The real possibility of these employees losing their cushy government jobs or contracts raised the hackles of many unilingual anglophones and francophones in New Brunswick, who feel it is unjust to punish those inept at processing multiple vocabularies.

After combing through the unnecessarily thick report, The Manatee discovered another recommendation bound to make the public bristle.

It seems d’Entremont scoured the ranks of the municipal police forces in the province, as well as security services contracted by the government, and discovered a potentially fatal loophole in which certain furry employees are hired with inadequate fluency in both English and French.

“This is simply unacceptable, especially from a public safety point of view,” d’Entremont told The Manatee. “What if an anglophone canine officer is sniffing out a meth lab in Bathurst and he hears freaked-out cooks yelling, ‘Merde, voici la police!’? He’d probably just assume it is normal human nonsense.”

Alternately, d’Entremont is worried about an inevitable Odd Couple or Perfect Strangers scenario in which a French handler is paired with an English mutt in an emergency situation; due to either officer’s partner being ill, or otherwise indisposed.

“Oh, mon dieu!” said d’Entremont. “Can you imagine having to hunt down an armed suspect that way? The French handler could yell until her face is the colours of the Acadian flag, and that dumb, unilingual dog would just sit there with its drooling tongue hanging out, letting the suspect escape.”

She was alarmed to discover that many New Brunswick police service canines operate under a “team approach.” If the front-line dog is unilingual, and the situation requires a dog fluent in the other official language, the handler must dismiss the ill-equipped mongrel and request another hound who is fluent in the language needed. In d’Entremont’s opinion, this does not amount to “equal service.”

D’Entremont said simply having bilingual dog handlers is insufficient in meeting official language requirements in this unique situation because it is against the spirit of the Official Languages Act. She reiterated that by putting these canine officers out to pasture due to their inferior language skills, the province will be closing an egregious public safety loophole.

Flying in the face of conventional wisdom, d’Entremont added, “You can’t teach old dogs new tricks.”

The privacy commissioner began her investigation in May 2015 after encountering a unilingual, English-speaking commissioner at a government office building. She was dumbstruck by the anomaly and was temporarily unable to communicate in English. However, the French-language centre of her brain remained operable. She asked the commissioner for assistance with the only functioning language available to her at the time, and was met with an equally confused and panicked response from the commissioner.

“It was scary, not being able to be understood,” d’Entremont said. “Not only was he unable to assist me, it was like looking in the mirror and seeing an old, white anglophone instead of myself.”

The commissioner recommends a 6-month to one-year phase-out period for the unilingual canine police corps. During this period, new 4-legged officers can be trained in both official languages, and learn the required life-saving procedures and techniques required to keep New Brunswickers safe. In the end, however, the commissioner only has the power to recommend changes, not to enforce them.

  1. colleen gorman May 26, 2016, 2:54 pm

    This female must be thrown out of her job as quickly as possible, she is French only, and could she even pass and english testing? She is ruining the Province of New Brunswick with her sickening equalities….for French Only Come on…. Ship her off to Quebec. English Tax Payers paying for her salary??? Ridiculous! Grrrrrr

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  2. Makes me want to leave New Brunswick. This is a sick joke!!!!!

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    • I fully agree we have been shoveled this shit for years if you really want to speak French that bad move to Quebec where you belong and leave us English people alone

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  3. LOL this is satire right?! Ceci est la satire?

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  4. always amusing to see how gullible some people are

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  5. She is right to clamp down. If she didn’t we could end up with French poodles and English sheepdogs in the same kennels. It’s a slippery slope.

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    • James Kavanagh May 27, 2016, 11:24 pm

      I know this is satire, but if you had written a story about our govt going to court to enforce segregation of our children five years ago, that would have been called satire.
      This is so crazy it can , and probably will, happen.

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    • muriel - hanwell, nb May 31, 2016, 8:28 pm

      bravo duncan384!!!

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  6. jerry.clarke@hotmail.com May 27, 2016, 9:14 pm

    What a crop of crap, the dogs are trained to listen to their handle’s commands. Not English, Not French, their commands. And no one else’s. The dogs are not interchangeable.

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    • Fully agree with you This whole issue is sick, she must be stopped, she is a sick women and needs medical help, in my opinion.

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  7. This is absolutely absurd… With the vast majority of people living in New Brunswick I have not come across many people who cannot understand both English and French. Being a First Nation and Greek woman should a person get fired for not speaking to me in my first language.
    When are they going to draw the line.
    Another argument is that whereas First Nations people never ceded their rights to this land. Then the government should give recognition to the Mi’kmaq and the Maliseet language

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    • Absolutely. As the official languages commissioner she should be removed if she cannot speak and communicate effectively in all of French, English, Mi’Kmaq, Maliseet and Silence. And it is high we teach all these languages in one school system. {note: Silence is from before people graced this landscape}

      @Genine YES, we need plurality in NB, not duality.

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  8. Janice Martell May 28, 2016, 8:09 am

    d ’Entremont. I only wish you were have as smart as the “dumb dog” you speak about. and I quote “, and that dumb, unilingual dog would just sit there with its drooling tongue hanging out, letting the suspect escape.”

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  9. ALL Police dogs should be able to BARK in French and English !!!!

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  10. very interesting , ver are your french papers ,,,dog lol

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  11. The amount of people who commented outrage just goes to show how our big issues aren’t the French vs English federal/provincial rights. New Brunswick has a serious education problem. How the hell do people just read a headline and believe them and not even click the ‘about’ section. What ever happened to critical thinking and or instincts? doing proper research by finding its source? I love this blog because it shows how dumb majority of New Brunswickers are out there. Yes there are smart people don’t get me wrong but it seems that people are always 100% willing to fight for something they saw on facebook or heard a statement from a peer rather doing any type of research at all. The federal government is doing a huge disservice to our education system by doing cuts upon cuts giving everyone bare minimum schooling skills. Good luck people by thinking this website is real news. Thank you Manatee for creating a funny blog that brings the dummies out of the woodwork so we can avoid them lmao.

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    • Don’t be so quick to judge Taylor – this article was referenced in a “breaking news” email from my newspaper. I never heard of “The Manatee” and assumed that my newspaper did their due diligence in reporting actual news. From reading these comments, it is clear that everyone read the entire article – some assuming it was satire and some not. However, given the many ludicrous stories that we have heard about the ‘language police’ in Quebec and the recent recommended bus segregation in our own province, I think people are just appalled with the nonsense that we as taxpayers are paying for. Your focus on the lack of education of the people of New Brunswick because of a few comments say more about you.

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  12. […] As well as the anthem issue, there’s the Province of New Brunswick (FYI: Canada’s FIRST official Bi Lingual Province) this headline story is ludicrous at the least. Decide for yourself after reading this article.  Click for link […]

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