CACA interferes with Rothesay Common drainage

Rothesay — Five separate injunctions were filed in New Brunswick Court of Queen’s Bench on Tuesday against an impending community recreation project set to begin at the Rothesay Common.

The injunctions were filed on behalf of a local community group calling themselves Curmudgeons Against Community Activity (CACA). The primary sticking point for the group is that the $2.5-million improvement will cause an increase in the town’s energy (re: power) consumption as well as an increase in overall energy (re: activity) levels in the community at large.

RCommonThe proposed revitalization of the Common will include an outdoor skating facility, which will allow town residents young and old to enjoy some wholesome outdoor activity during the bleak doldrums of winter. This project has brought about warm-hearted nostalgic feelings to most Rothesay residents, replacing the mostly suicidal tendencies at the thought of another New Brunswick deep-freeze. Since town council passed the motion to approve construction, most have relished the thought of holding hands with a loved one to perpetrate countless circles on razorblades.

Most people, that is, except for CACA.

“I’ve done some looking into this, because I’m very interested in power, I mean, the expenditure of energy,” snorted prominent rotund Rothesay resident and CACA president Edward Edwards. “For the $250,000 it’s going to cost per year, and the $2.5 million price tag and the few kids who are going use it, we might as well fly them all to Toronto to skate in Nathan Phillips Square!”

When The Manatee asked Edwards to pinpoint whether he objected to a miniscule increase in the town’s carbon footprint, an overall increase in the level of community spirit and activity, or the fact that it would be a noisy summer of construction and his property borders the common itself, Edwards spluttered and blushed.

“Why, I’m… um — er, I’m concerned about the environment, of course!” he fumed.

Not intending to play matador to a raging social activist, The Manatee attempted to soothe Edwards by reminding him of the jointly planned improvement to drainage in the area of the Common — a benefit not just for the community, but for Edwards as a property owner.

“Oh, well, yes,” Edwards said. “There’s that, I suppose.”

Shakespeare in the Common artistic director Scott Finnerty had a more positive view of the project, especially where drainage is concerned.

“This is wonderful news!” said the energetic director. “I mean, my god, it used to be that, when it rained for a day, the water would simply lie in there for a week. We couldn’t even set up chairs! One year, we just said, ‘Screw it, we might as well do The Tempest!’ When you’ve got lemons, make lemonade, you know? We even went so far as to use those little dinghies you can buy at Canadian Tire as seats for the audience. I was a hoot, let me tell you!”