DFO to use satellites to monitor illegal fishing, also probably watch HBO

DFO to use satellites to monitor illegal fishing, also probably watch HBO

Atlantic Canada — Fisheries and Oceans Canada (DFO) is going high-tech in order to help with their increasingly difficult task of catching illegal fishing operations off the coasts of the Maritimes. The department is installing satellite services that will enable them to watch the waters, and also, we assume, give them access to thousands of original shows and specials on HBO and other popular networks.

Brenda Waters, an aptly named representative of the department, met with reporters to discuss the initiative and to assure the public that this plan will be cost-effective as long as employees catch all the latest shows while working.

“It’ll basically be as though we’re getting the monitoring capabilities for free,” she cheered while speaking in Halifax Wednesday morning. “These satellites aren’t cheap by any means and so if we’re using them for double-duty and being smart about it, we’re actually coming ahead — and we’ll never miss a second of the new seasons of Westworld, Big Little Lies or Barry!”

Waters told The Manatee that she expects a large percentage of the department’s employees will use the service — and they’re already planning several viewing parties, which will pair with staff meetings.

“We’ll get together to talk about illegal fishing, dying whales and pirates and stuff like we typically do,” she explained, “but we’ll also use the time together to take in the hottest that TV has to offer. I expect morale to increase a ton once this gets rolling. Our employees are probably bored of the normal day-to-day talk about fish, oceans, and tides or whatever — this is going to be a much-needed shot in the arm for the DFO.”

We pressed Waters on how the department plans to use the new technology to monitor and put a stop to illegal fishing operations, which are negatively impacting many jobs and hurting the overall economy in Atlantic Canada. She didn’t have much to offer on the subject.

“Honestly, I hadn’t put those pieces fully together at this point in the project as I’ve mostly been looking ahead at the fall TV lineup. Hopefully, though, I’ll find an insightful documentary on it or something. I’m sure there’s gotta be something like that on the National Geographic channel — which we now get by the way.”

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