DNA test reveals NB Power CEO is one-quarter smart meter

DNA test reveals NB Power CEO is one-quarter smart meter

Fredericton — The NB Power communications team was in full damage-control mode today after a shocking report was leaked to the media last night.

The electrifying memo revealed the results of the NB Power CEO’s Ancestry DNA test, showing that Gaëtan Thomas is three-quarters human being and one-quarter smart meter.

The confidential document outlined irrefutable evidence that the CEO’s maternal grandfather was in fact a 1920s model induction watt-hour power meter — a direct descendant of the modern smart meter.

The controversial disclosure comes to light just as Thomas is poised to revive the power utility’s unpopular $122-million plan to roll out smart meters across the province. The plan was rejected by the Energy and Utilities Board last year, saying it did not provide sufficient value to ratepayers. Also, they found the expense unnecessary considering that NB Power was petitioning for power rate increases.

Thomas has not granted any interviews to the media, but he did provide a statement via email this morning. The release said he feels discouraged by the violation of his privacy and shared fond memories of his grandfather.

“My grandfather was obsessed with electricity,” he said. “He didn’t say much, but his entire day revolved around measuring power. He worked for the Power Commission most of his life, except for a short period running a speakeasy during prohibition.”

Energy consultant Zoey Wattmetre is puzzled by the entire affair. “What is happening? Did I have a stroke? None of this makes any sense. I’ve got to get out of New Brunswick. I’m starting to lose it.”

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