Tide Head — The quaint New Brunswick village of Tide Head, the self-proclaimed fiddlehead capital of the world, may just hold one of the most interesting botanical discoveries in the province’s history.
For decades inquisitive minds have marvelled at the abnormal natal patterns in Tide Head. Eighty-two percent of births since such records have been kept (1966) happen in February; residents of the community generally laugh this off, dismissing it as the bi-product of Old Man Musky’s spring barn party. “His dandelion wine usually gets all the young lassies real horsed up!” confirmed local legend Helmuth Wagstaff, a frequenter of said parties.
It wasn’t until home-grown naturalist Richard Cliff started probing into the birth-cluster effect that he came up with his groundbreaking discovery. Fiddleheads, the phallic-looking ferns, are consumed in Tide Head like nowhere else. Cliff examined the immature ferns at a cellular level, and discovered that not only are they rich in magnesium, iron, folate and zinc, but they also contain significant levels of epimedium. This ultra-rare, naturally occurring chemical secretes, drips and rests at the base of the fiddlehead in a crystalline formation. When ingested by humans, it quickly boosts both testosterone and estrogen levels, making it the ultimate baby-making cocktail.
Manatee staff sat down with Cliff to discuss his findings. He explained: “I’ve lived in Tide Head my entire adult life. I dodged the draft and purchased a farm on what I know to be the most beautiful place in the world. Every spring, almost everyone was eating fiddleheads by the kilogram! Fiddlehead omelettes, soup, battered at the pub, drenched in butter or vinegar and salt. It was non-stop.”
He paused and took a sip off a strong cup of coffee, grimaced, rolled his handlebar moustache and continued. “I myself was finding me wife and I to be extra squirrelly — even into our retirement years — once we started eating the delicious little buds. My discovery was a joyous one to come across!”
Health Canada suggests eating fiddleheads raw if you want to maximize the amount of secreted epimedium. For recipes on how to spice up your next summer barbcue party, visit: thestifffiddlehead.ca
Steve I know that this is a satire site and all… Some people however might not. And the fact that you are saying to eat fiddleheads raw at the bottom, might cause people to get sick. Please correct this to avoid people to potentially take this seriously.
Thank you. I did not know this was a satire site and was looking for information on eating fiddlehead’s. I was about to start eating raw fiddleheads to get the increased testosterone benefit but was wise enough to google health canada fiddleheads to see that they SHOULD NOT be eaten raw. I like satire and I enjoyed the article except for the part that could cause serious bodily harm – that is not satire and it is not cool. Telling someone to do something that can bring them serious harm is not satire it is cruel.