Fredericton – Bars and businesses within the capital city’s tannery area have announced plans to convert the location into a gladiatorial arena. City council has unanimously decided to support the project.
“Drunken people are always fighting outside of bars over minor disputes or for really no reason at all,” said one council member when questioned about their decision. “Why not organize it and use it to bolster the local economy?”
Local drunkard Jordan Gibson is all for the idea. “People go to bars and pay expensive cover to watch mixed martial arts fights on TV. It’s like something out of a dystopian novella. They sit and drink together, cheering loudly as they watch one person beat another to a bloody pulp. This is already part of the culture here, so why not take it to the next level and do it live, make some money off it?”
The Fredericton Police Force are also supportive of the decision. “This is a good way for a lot of people to release their pent-up aggression in an organized, supervised manner. It also improves general morale and tourism of the city,” stated Cpl. Gerry Wilks, collecting bets from his coworkers.
Construction of the “Coliseum Tannery ex Gladia” will be completed in early 2017, with Emperor Woodside giving a thumbs-up or down to the first fight later that year. Winning fighters will receive no criminal charges.