Moncton — Millions of idiots across the globe are feeling the afterglow of another anticlimactic and virtually pointless “Earth Hour” that took place on Saturday at 8:30 p.m.
Every year individuals, businesses and organizations worldwide pretend to give a shit about the environment by abstaining from using electricity for one measly hour of the entire year as a symbol of their commitment to the planet.
A Manatee reporter spoke with one Moncton family who claim they feel “underappreciated” by Earth Hour after their third painful but “sort of” successful attempt at the event.
Robert Prosser says the impact of his and many other families’ efforts deserve formal recognition or “at least a medal or something” to award the selfless act. “The first year we tried Earth Hour we blew it,” he recalled. “We planned for it but when it came down to it, the kids weren’t ready — they were in the middle of a video game and it just wasn’t the right time.
“The second year we lost interest 15 minutes into the hour, and the kids got hungry and needed some pizza pockets warmed up, so we had to cut it short. But this year,” he bragged, “we made the commitment of a lifetime for that one whole hour and we made it through to the end.”
Twenty minutes into Earth Hour, however, Prosser’s 15-year-old daughter posted on Facebook: “What’s the fuc#$%^ deal with ‘Earth Hour’ anyway? There’s not even a cool Facebook profile filter for this shit. Thank GOD dad fired up the generator cuz I was literally dying in this hellhole with no electricity and nothing to look at besides my family’s idiotic faces.”
When pressed, Prosser admitted he succumbed to the pressure from his children and wife. “When the kids said they were ‘literally dying,’ yeah, I admit, I got the generator going because I was afraid for their safety. I refuse to feel guilty for that. Sure, we used a generator for 40 minutes of the event, but we sure as hell never turned that power on. End of story.”
Prosser is now in the process of sharing his family’s “success” with volunteer coordinators of the event in hopes of being awarded a trophy, or at least some stickers and pencils for proof of his prodigious environmental feat.
Generator? Hardly know her!