Bay of Fundy — On Monday, approximately 200 tonnes of Elephant Rock, part of the world-famous Hopewell Rocks, was blasted to smithereens by a group of Nova Scotian terrorists who were likely hoping to ruin the only decent photo ever used by Tourism New Brunswick.
Elephant Rock, which was one of New Brunswick’s few claims to fame, is now little more than a pile of rubble, thanks to some deadly Halifax-manufactured TNT and the terrorists, who were posing as tourists from Caraquet. While so far little is known of the terrorists, some local eyewitnesses claim the group had put on terrible French accents and could be heard making snide remarks about New Brunswick during their entire destructive operation.
“They were being negative about New Brunswick — could just have easily been some Fredericton snobs. How was I s’posed to know they were evil Nova Scotians?” said one witness.
Nova Scotia has long claimed the Bay of Fundy to be their own attraction, while New Brunswick maintains that the bay and the Hopewell Rocks belong to the Picture Province. “I’m pretty sure Farmers Dairy must have been in on it,” mused Monctonian Rebecca Goodine while shovelling ice cream into her mouth. “They’re based in Nova Scotia, aren’t they? And just look at this — the picture on their Fundy Mudslide ice cream has already been updated to show the destroyed rock!”
With that rock’s appearance drastically altered, Tourism New Brunswick now has little choice but to toss all 28 million reproductions of that one photo — you know the one — into the Bay of Fundy.
“Nova Scotians can never just let us have anything!” cried Daryll Delotte, a Tourism NB employee of 20 years. “That rock was the only thing drawing people here, the only decent spot to take a photo, and I dare say the only reason I bothered to get up every morning. With it gone, I’m probably going to get sacked, along with most of my co-workers. And I’ll probably have to move to Halifax to find work — just what those terrorists want!”
The iconic and endearingly redundant photo, which will not be shown here since everyone from New Brunswick has had its image permanently seared into their brains over the years, has finally been rendered utterly obsolete.
“That photo of Elephant Rock was on our very Medicare card!” exclaimed Saint John resident Danika Riley, overcome with grief. “What does this mean for our healthcare system? Is that going to fall apart now too?”
The Hopewell Rocks official Facebook page created a heartfelt status about the collapse, saying simply and sadly: “Has anyone seen my elephant?”