P.K. Subban traded to Moncton Miracles in return for mascot Maximus

P.K. Subban traded to Moncton Miracles in return for mascot Maximus

Moncton — The hockey world is reeling from a blockbuster trade that saw Montreal Canadiens all-star P.K. Subban traded to the National Basketball League of Canada’s Moncton Miracles in exchange for their mascot, Maximus.

The deal, announced last week, unleashed a firestorm of debate on sports sites and social media, with fans and analysts from both sports weighing in on every possible angle.

“We can’t wait to have such a boisterous star suit up and hit the court for Moncton,” said Miracles president Steve Truman in a press release. “While P.K. has no professional basketball experience, we doubt any Miracles fans will notice given the recent calibre of our team. We figured what’s the harm in getting a someone with a bit of name recognition.”

While Monctonians are excited to see Subban play for their hometown basketball team, Habs faithfuls across the country are seething at Canadiens’ general manager Marc Bergevin’s decision to trade the defenseman for the grey-skinned humanoid, who bears a frightening resemblance to the Greendale Human Being from the TV show Community.

“In the end, we think Maximus was simply a better fit for our organization,”said Bergevin, dodging questions about his rumoured rocky relationship with Subban. “He [Maximus] is a strong and versatile athlete. He has heart, discipline, and the fact that he’s a mouthless mute was something we were really missing with P.K.”

“He may not be able to take a dive like Subban,” added Canadiens coach Michel Therrien, “but he can ride a unicycle and sink a three-pointer from downtown — kids and their parents love him, and that sort of clowning around is perfect for this club’s new direction.”

The departure of Maximus is expected to leave quite a hole in the community, as he has been active in events and fundraisers since he began his career in Moncton in 2011. Volunteers in the city, however, are hopeful that Subban will use his star-power to build a new annex to the George-Dumont hospital as an apology to the region’s French-speaking Canadiens fans.

While the dust settles on the Subban-Maximus trade, many hockey fans are still trying to come to terms with another surprise deal earlier last week that saw the Edmonton Oilers trade Taylor Hall for a pair of tickets to the upcoming Selena Gomez concert in Moncton.

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