Sackville – A state of terror has taken hold of the small rural town of Sackville. The cause is a rash of swan attacks that has occurred in the last 2 weeks. Sackville’s swan pond is quite beautiful, from a distance. On Saturday, when the most recent victim approached the pond for a picture with his daughter, he was shocked to be ambushed by a group of violent swans.
“They just came flying and hit me from all sides,” Tom Mayweather said from his hospital bed. “I never knew swans were so hostile.”
Mayor Maxwell Johnson has responded by handing out nets and beekeeper suits to all incoming tourists and pond visitors. Johnson stated “because of these attacks, we’ve seen an uptick of tourists. People have agreed to start paying to watch unsuspecting visitors approach the pond. We’ve been proactive and have added bleachers and concession stands for the people watching the tourists getting attacked by swans — quite a business.”
Jason Fletcher, a psychology major at Mount Allison University, has organised a study in which he and a number of other students will attempt to discover the cause of the swan aggression. “Our hypothesis is that the fluctuating weather has thrown the swans’ emotions completely out of whack. We will attempt to prove this by bringing in heat fans and buckets of ice to throw on the swans and gauge their reaction.”
There have been more than 6 attacks in the past week, causing Sackville residents to believe they may never be safe around their beloved swans again. In last night’s town meeting regarding the epidemic, residents decided to offer anyone who can calm the swans a gift certificate to Ducky’s Pub and 30 dollars in Mountie Money if they succeed.