Self-proclaimed health expert on track to defeat Covid with half-assed approach

Self-proclaimed health expert on track to defeat Covid with half-assed approach

Fredericton — While many New Brunswickers are stricken with anxiety about reopening the province, Fredericton resident and self-proclaimed health expert Janet McDamnit has some hot tips to share from her blog, ivedonemyresearch.com.

As Minister of Education Dominic Cardy told the Manatee, “Janet is known for her no-BS, subjective, emotionally driven opinions. She tells you just what you want to hear to keep you coming back for more.

“I could waste countless hours scouring peer-reviewed evidence-based journal articles by real scientists to develop my next policy and regulation changes, or I could just settle in with Janet’s blog on my iPad, a frosty Dooryard, and my cat, Whiskers. If I’m Oprah, she’s Dr. Oz. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without her.”

Tip #1: Act fast

“When I heard there were cases of Covid-19 in New Brunswick, I knew just what to do,” explains McDamnit. “I had my sister-in-law stuff as many N95 masks as she could under her scrubs during her next shift at the DECH. I’m with Dr. Russell. Masks save lives, and mine is going to be one of them!”

What do you say to those concerned about the negative impact that wearing a mask may have on your health?

“Even though a lot of people are up in arms about being told to wear a mask, I don’t mind it,” she writes. “When I wear my mask around the end of my chin or up on my forehead, I don’t find that it restricts my breathing one bit. I even have one with a hole cut in it when I need to go out for a smoke. It’s nothing to stress about. Wear a mask.”

Tip #2: Wear a rubber. Glove that is.

“They might be wiping down shopping carts at Costco, but I’m not taking any chances. I put my gloves on before leaving the house. I do my shopping, drive home, unpack my groceries, then put them back into my purse. That way I won’t leave home without them, and can be sure I’ve protected myself, my car, my groceries, my phone, my face…and every other surface I’ve touched.”

What about hand sanitizer?

“Great question. That leads me to my final tip!”

Tip#3: Whip up your own batch of Covid killer

“This hot tip is my final line of defence,” the website proclaims. “Store-bought hand sanitizers are full of dangerous chemicals, and everyone knows you shouldn’t use them on your skin. I only ever use the recipe I read on my Reiki instructor’s Pinterest page who specializes in natural medicine and holistic healing.

“You can buy the following all-natural ingredients at any pharmacy or hardware store: 99% alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, aloe vera, glycerin, coconut oil, apple cider vinegar (to flush out the toxins), and a hint of your favourite essential oil. Because, you know…they’re essential. When it burns, you know it’s working. In a pinch it can also be used for cuts, burns, scrapes, a zippy salad dressing, and if you’re really in a bind, a personal lubricant.”

“I think we would be better off if everyone followed Janet’s advice,” said Chief Medical Officer Dr. Jennifer Russell. “Sure, I practised medicine and have multiple degrees, but Janet has real-life experience, time to kill, and a captive audience of more than 130 Facebook followers who share everything she writes. I just can’t compete with that.”

  1. sorry, mostly wrong

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