Saint John — Dennis Oland, the 52-year-old trust fund child and dry cleaning enthusiast made headlines again this week after attempting to blame his latest controversy on the continued ineptitude of the local police.
In 2019, Oland was acquitted of the murder of his father after the courts determined that the Saint John Police Force had, to put it in technical terms, “bungled” the investigation, making it impossible to convict.
He now says that he will be attempting a similar strategy to evade his recent domestic assault accusation.
“Right now is a good time to try and blame your actions on poor policing,” he told The Manatee, at a safe social distance (25 feet). “So I’m confident that if I wrack my brain long enough, I believe I’ll be able to come up with something.”
Considering Oland’s history of wracking brains, it remains likely that he will be able to find a way to effectively weasel his way out of the situation.
“As long as I have the love and support of my family, I know that I will be able to get through this.”
There as a brief pause.
“Oh, right,” he said. “Shit.”