Moncton — A recent outbreak of gastroenteritis, more commonly called the stomach flu, has prompted Vitalité Health to plead with all visitors to the Dr. Georges-L.- Dumont University Hospital Centre to bring in an ample supply of toilet paper to help deal with the added strain on their supplies budget.
Vitalité president Victor Lameque said the health network only recently changed their policy to match that of a local special care home. “When the story broke a while ago of toilet paper rations in that home, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it myself. Vitalité decided it would be a great budget-conscious decision to also ration our toilet paper to one roll per patient or admission. And if visitors could bring their own toilet paper, that would be just great.
“The staff seem unhappy, but this extra challenge of gastro will blow over shortly. I haven’t heard anything negative from the families.”
The Manatee easily located a disgruntled family member. Marco Belissimo was stopped in the entryway with a huge pack of toilet paper under each arm. “I’m furious!” he said, huffing and puffing. “First I pay $10 to park here, now this! Poor Muriel, she’s up there waiting for me — she ran out this morning.”
Staff are also feeling the effects of this latest policy.
“It’s so desperate that we can’t even keep the napkins in stock,” explained Doris Monteith, cafeteria manager at the hospital. “I turned around and next thing I know, all the dispensers have been stolen!”
Nursing staff have seen their supply closets emptied. “I was just going to change a dressing,” said Veronique Belliveau, “so I went to the utility room and there’s a patient with a johnny shirt around her waist taking armfuls of gauze. We can’t keep on like this!”
The Manatee asked Lameque whether there is any possibility of moving funds from the recently reported parking surplus to cover the extra supply costs.
“Our community loves pulling together to face a crisis — this is an excellent opportunity to do just that,” he said, effectively evading the question. “In fact, we are going to be selling merchandise to commemorate the community spirit with the slogan #2plystrong.”