Avian altruist rescues rogue Riverview rooster

Avian altruist rescues rogue Riverview rooster

Riverview — When a rogue rooster wreaked havoc upon East Riverview residents’ sleep schedules, Mayor Ann Seamens ensured a letter was sent to the rooster’s owner, asking him to get rid of the animal. One town resident, however, has stepped up to rescue the bird from its untimely banishment.

“Just because an animal annoys the hell out of everyone does not mean it doesn’t have the right to exist,” said self-proclaimed humanitarian Joe MacDonald. “So I’m starting a place where even the most obnoxious creatures — roosters especially — can freely do their thing without worrying about being thrown out of town.”

MacDonald had the idea to start what he’s calling Riverview’s first “rooster reserve” after hearing about the town’s cock-a-doodle-disaster. “I had also just finished reading Charlotte’s Web for the first time and I couldn’t find any pigs to rescue,” he admitted.

The reserve will be smack-dab in the middle of Riverview, much to the residents’ chagrin. A special zoning permit allows it because the land in question used to be a KFC.

“So, what, because this guy is trying to be a Good Samaritan, my sleep regimen goes out the window?” exclaimed Twila Freeman, who lives next door to the proposed rooster rest area. “Lord knows what other crappy animals he’ll put in there. Probably a bunch of feral cats howling all night… maybe some coyotes cryin’ all friggin’ evening too — why not?!”

MacDonald plans to start with just the rooster for now, but said he’ll accommodate other animals rejected by society on a case-by-case basis. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that spider didn’t die in vain.”

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