Charlottetown Santa-denier beaten up

Charlottetown Santa-denier beaten up

Charlottetown — A man is recovering in the Queen Elizabeth Hospital after an unidentified gang attacked him with child-sized toys Thursday evening.

The man, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of further reprisal, was attacked after he tried to tell a group of children that Santa Claus is not real.

According to witnesses, the man was recording himself for a YouTube blog called “I’m Smart So I Crap on Everything.” He approached a group of kids waiting in line at Santa’s booth in the Charlottetown Mall and began yelling: “Santa Claus is not real! Parents are lying to their children!”

After succeeding in making the children cry, the man was beaten mercilessly by an unknown gang in the parking lot.

The gang’s colours are reportedly red and green and witnesses described the assailants as under 4 feet tall with high-pitched voices and pointy ears.

The Charlottetown police are cautioning city residents to leave milk and cookies by their fireplaces to prevent further attacks. “We also recommend that, if you hear sleigh bells ringing, you should immediately go to bed or risk no presents on Christmas morning,” added a sombre Const. Reid Morrison.

Security has been raised at the QEH after a lump of coal was discovered near the unidentified man’s hospital bed.

Share your thoughts. We reserve the right to remove comments.