Fredericton — Thursday night, Frederictonians seeking “a good time” were shocked and horrified to discover a live cougar in their midst at the iRock nightclub. A woman in her 40s is allegedly responsible for bringing the cougar with her to the club for “Ladies’ Night”. Witnesses say the woman was wearing leopard print and “just wanted a lively accessory to match.”
The woman, whose name is protected under a publication ban, claimed she was planning to meet a Tinder match, whose display picture featured himself posing with a tiger.
“I was jus’ dancin’ with ma boys when we saw a cougar slinking towards the dance floor,” explained Charlie Freeman, a well-known local barstar. “I mean, who the hell does she think she is? This is a club for human people to drink and dance — animals don’t got no business being here.”
A nearby intoxicated young woman defended the alleged cougar-bringer: “Cougars just wanna have fun, you know?” slurred Courtney Hidwar. “I mean, who are we to judge?”
Fredericton police are investigating how the cougar was able to bypass the bouncers, and hoping to ensure such a security breach does not happen again.
Animal rights activists are also speaking out to publicly remind pet owners that pets should not consume alcohol or be brought to venues where they may be trampled or receive unwanted groping.
I still can’t figure out if this is satire, or what…
[…] — The cougar that was on the prowl at the iRock nightclub last Thursday night is still lurking on the premises, club owners have […]