NB government set to sell Saint John River to help California drought victims

In an act of goodwill and an attempt at reducing the province’s growing debt, the Gallant government has decided to help the drought-stricken state of California by selling the Saint John River. California is located in the southwestern region of Canada’s neighbouring country, the United States of America.

“The people of California need our help,” expressed a compassionate Gallant. “They are our neighbours, our brothers and our sisters, and it’s our responsibility to come to their aid in this time of crisis.”

California has been traumatized by the effects of seemingly never-ending sunshine and cloudless blue skies. The Manatee spoke with one citizen who has had to transform her life as a result. “It’s been really tough on me; I’m down to only being able to take one shower a day,” lamented Maryanne Todd, a professional sunbather. “I lather myself up all day long, and then usually hit the hot-spots at night; I need more then one shower a day — this is just gross.”

riverIt was in 2010 that New Brunswick’s Liberal government was voted out after attempting to sell off NB Power, the province’s main energy supplier, to the province of Quebec. The citizens were outraged at their leaders for trying to sell vital natural resources, and they’re not taking too kindly to this new initiative, either. “They might as well have kept that Graham feller in there,” said an angry Ernest Hogan, speaking of former premier Shawn Graham. “He tried to sell our power and we gave him the boot, so why does this new guy think he can go and sell our water? Pretty stupid if ya ask me. I’m sure they got plenty of their own water down in Hollywood or whatever.”

The newly appointed premier has tried to assure the public that the plan is in their best interest. “This is a wonderful opportunity for the people of our great province,” explained an impassioned Gallant. “This will not only help the state of California, but it will help so many of our own people here as well. We won’t have to worry about the constant threat of flooding in the spring that occurs in the communities along the Saint John River. The people of Fredericton will no longer be devastated by bridge construction in the heart of the summer months. There will be no dumping grounds for unwanted garbage or bodies. The benefits are immeasurable.”

The logistics of such a venture have yet to be finalized, but it seems as though a deal is imminent between the two parties. Unlike our beautiful Saint John River, this story is sure to not dry up anytime soon.


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