New Brunswick — Local cybersecurity firm CyberNB has taken funding into their own hands today after revealing that they were being forced to shut down due to a lack of money.
Set up by the Liberal government in 2016 in an attempt to combat cyberattacks, CyberNB was intended to be the province’s first line of defence against hacking and ransomware. The Conservatives, not fully grasping the concept, believed that it was “some kind of tech startup,” and moved to make it an independent non-profit. It subsequently languished.
Following Monday’s news that company would be unable to make payroll for their employees, they announced they they will be forced to cease operations entirely, citing having no alternatives for securing more government funds.
Well, except one.
“We know the province’s technological infrastructure inside out and backwards,” an anonymous CyberNB employee explained, speaking through a voice distortion software over video chat. “Therefore, that’s what we did to their systems — we turned them inside out and backwards.”
This morning, when government employees opened their computers, they were greeted to an image of Blaine Higgs with his eyes covered by dollar signs, as well as a list of demands. This screen was encrypted, and could not be passed without a password key code.
The company is demanding $1.3 million, which would match their budget allotment for the past two years. They also said that they would be willing to accept NFTs that are appraised at the equivalent dollar amount.
“We only wish to stay afloat,” said the anonymous CyberNB employee. “Also, maybe a free Mountain Dew pop dispenser for the office.”
Officials are hoping to bring about a swift end to the hack, stating that it has severely interrupted their work-flow.
“This is very concerning,” said Labour Minister Trevor Holder. “Since the attack, I have been completely locked out of my computer. Do you have any idea how much porn I have on there?”
He ran his fingers over his head in agitation.
“I mean, documents,” he corrected, after an exceptionally long pause.