Washington — As pressure continues to mount for sitting U.S. President Donald Trump to concede last week’s election to President-Elect Joe Biden, his personal lawyer revealed that one of his contingency plans could greatly affect America’s neighbours to the north.
Among Trump’s options, beyond flimsy legal challenges and squatter’s rights, include holding voter suppression rallies, starting a new presidential campaign for 2024, rushing to his bunker to go out Hitler-style and, finally, moving to Canada to run for prime minister.
While the law states that one must be a Canadian citizen to run for prime minister, Trump’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, told The Manatee on a Zoom call that this was “not likely to be an issue.”
“The liberal elites also claimed that there was no way he would become president,” said Giuliani, lying on his hotel bed and tucking his shirt into his pants. “But, somehow he managed it. Anything could happen. Anything!”
The prospect of Prime Minister Trump is especially troublesome for those American expatriates who moved to Canada in 2016 to avoid the Trump presidency.
“Now where am I going to go?” asked Jerry Malone, a hipster who moved to Moncton four years ago. “Denmark? Is that a country?”
Although The Manatee had not expected a statement on behalf of the president for this article, the office received the following voice message from the White House’s unlisted number at 3:47 Tuesday morning.
“Listen, there are a million things I’d like to do with your country,” a raspy voice with a thick New York accent said.
“First of all, Bryan Adams. Ask anybody, and they’ll tell you that he is the Canadian Bruce Springsteen. But he hasn’t got half the money. He doesn’t have the fame, the recognition, and frankly, the talent of ‘The Boss.’ ‘The Boss!’ They call Springsteen ‘The Boss,’ and the truth is—he isn’t the boss of anything. Bryan Adams should be ‘The Boss,’ if anybody. And it really is a terrible deal. A terrible deal…and it’s a shame, let me tell you. I can tell you we’re looking into it very closely, and—”
Suddenly, over the line there was a harsh thumping noise, accompanied by the sound of splintering wood.
“Oh shit, they’re breaking into the Oval Office. Send help! SEND THE MOUNTIES!! SEND—“
With this, the phone went dead.
Trump will be declared president for another 4 years. Book sales for Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes will dry up. Staff from CNN and MSNBC forced to go on unemployment insurance. Channels taken over by Organic Farming and Holistic Herbs. Confiscated properties of Bill Gates and others to become Longevity Home Care facilities for seniors.
Oooo HELL NOOOO
Screw That Shhhhhyt
He Aint Canadian
He Has NO rights At All
I think we as Canadians are smart enough not to vote for this lunatic.
Yeah, Canadians are much smarter than those stupid Americans. That’s why we elected Justin Trudeau twice…
Oh hell no!!! Not gonna happen..id never vote for that lieing lunatic P.O.S..hes got no hope in hell of ever becoming prime minister of Canada..not to mention hes not even a Canadian citizen!!.we dont want him in our country he can stay in the u.s.a where he belongs..
We Canadians don’t want this liar into our Canada . We have a blessed nation and don’t want a corrupt dirty bag in Canada . He will never ever become prime minister in Canada .!canadians are law abiding people
NOOOOOOOO I HATE THIS CRAZY OLD DUDE!!!!!!! CANADA IS GOOOOOOOOD HE IS HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRIBLE :((((((((((I((
Fuck that, I throw something at him, if he ever goes to mine community. And I would not care of i get arrested or shot.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT IN CANADA :((((((((
no
Lol that’s it I AM MOVING AWAY
Would are not that lucky !
Justin Trudeau is a retard
Donald Trump would be the best thing for Canada. He would turn this Country into a power house and turn our economy around. The riots in the US would never of happened if there wasn’t wide spread electoral issues.
Yes let’s kick out that worthless job killing fake Trudeau leader and put in Trump. To all the Canadian who enjoy being unemployed wake up.
If not Trump elect a leader with balls to turn Canada into a Country it should be.
I would glad stand with Trump if he were to actually run for Prime Minister of Canada ??
I would even offer my services to work for his campaign
trudeau is doing great, trump would let all hell brake loose. he doesnt support lgbtq+ rights and same with blm. he is rascist, homophobic,a pedophile and doesnt support woman. all these things are needed in the world for it to work so no he wouldnt do well for the country he would take it into the ground just like the USA. pls look into trump deeply and look at what he has done. have a great day<3
how’d that work out for ya?
Trump would be the best thing for Canada. All you haters that despise him should do some fact checks. He has policies that are realistic to the continuation of our country and the world as we know it. Anyone who supports Trudeau must hate there kids and family because with Trudeaus carefree spending with no plans on repaying the debt, our children and grandchildren have a debt load left to them that they won’t be able to be repay in there lifetime. Just imagine if anyone of any party affiliation liberal,ndp, green or conservative background ran there own finances like Trudeau runs our countries finances. You would be bankrupt. I don’t know how any Canadian can think he’s good for our country. But we are a democracy. Where do I go vote for Donald J Trump!!
I do not know enough about Donald Trump to say anything good or bad. In Canada it is against the law to use the word retard. However I think Justin Trudeau is of lower intelligence. He only won because people wrongly thought he’d be Like Pierre Trudeau who is the only liberal I ever voted for. I usually vote Conservative but sometimes Green. I once voted NDP when they just started. I lost my house because of the NDP as they put a law in that one can not evict the tenants even if they were 6 months behind in rent payments. Those tenants had some crooked lawyers force me to sign a blank form when I was drunk and that caused me to lose my house. I could not find anyone to help me get my house back. So I will never ever vote NDP again. Let Trump take over the NDP Dan Hrominchuk danhrom1950@gmail.com
That would be great with Pierre Poilievre as deputy PM … no one could stop Canada. MCGA ! Make Canada Great Again !
At least Trump is a money man and the U.S certainly is not slumping in their dollar like the Canadian dollar.
The jist of it you cant end in a kid with a silver spoon in his mouth and a gold one up his ass as he has no clue on what he is doing running Canada except for all his scandals and swindling money out of Canadians . At least Trump would financially be the man he is and help Canada make money again!