Fredericton — Every older woman using social media suspects she has been hacked and will be deleting her account for the seventh time, according to sources.
“I’m looking into the issue, but as far as I know my account has been hacked again. So do NOT open links or anything else from me!!! It’s probably a virus!” posted anxious aunt Maureen Boyce, 61, of Quispamsis, N.B.
Her relatives say this happens frequently.
“She’s always announcing that she’s been hacked — how is that even possible? Is her password 1234?” asked niece Myley Jarvis. “That’s a serious question…I’m guessing she’s told you and everyone her password — she probably has it written on a Post-it and stuck to her monitor.”
“As if I’d ever open a link from her — she just spams everyone with fake news articles or scam contests or recipes no one will ever make,” said nephew Aaron Jarvis. “The last time she got ‘hacked’ she immediately started a message thread with 130 different people telling them not to open anything if they get links from her. I left the group immediately, so then she messaged me separately asking me if I saw the group message. God, get a life!”
Another local aunt, Fran Yeoman, 53, said this time it’s serious because her husband is implicated in the latest cyber-breach.
“I made a joint Facebook account for me and Donny after the last time I got hacked,” she fretted, while crafting a dramatic and error-laden status about the issue. “He just uses it to go on some of those ‘buy and sell’ groups and whatnot. But now we’ve both been hacked! Is there a way to just duplicate this account a few times so I always have a fallback for the next time?” she asked our reporter.
“I know what you’re probably thinking, but our password is something only we could know — FranAndDonny1 — so maybe I should change it to a 2 this time? No hacker could crack that one, right??”
Yeoman’s niece Karley told us that her aunt called her this morning about this issue.
“I didn’t answer the phone obviously,” reporter the 23-year-old, “so then she emailed me asking if I could come over tonight to help her set up a new computer. She went out and bought a brand-new one at Staples! She thinks the specific computer is the cause of all the problems she has with her Facebook account.
“Anyway, I just hope she doesn’t ask me to transfer all her vacation photos from the old computer to the new one again. Last time she stood behind me the whole time accusing me of ‘downloading viruses.'”