New Brunswick — Last year, New Brunswick’s status as second-most obese province was threatened as the population was noted to be increasing in activity level. But that has changed thanks to the rapid proliferation of e-Bikes.
“We were a little worried that we would lose our reputation as a lazy, fat province,” said Ministry of Tourism spokesperson Maia Sisbig. “I mean, who would want to go somewhere on holidays and actually have to do anything?”
“Oh those e-Bikes are great for New Brunswick,” said Bones McCracken, president of the Atlantic Orthopedic Surgery Society, as he applied a third coat of wax to his new Ferrari. “I wouldn’t have been able to pay for this beaut if it weren’t for all the broken wrists from people flying off their e-Bikes.”
New Brunswick is second in obesity to Newfoundland and Labrador, and the province has a strategic plan aimed at propelling New Brunswick to the top of the leaderboard.
“Look, Nova Scotia is right behind us,” Sisbiq added. “We can’t have people doing actually doing exercise if we want to be the best at something. In fact, I think we can catch those cod-loving jig-dancers in Newfoundland and Labrador within a year.”