Atlantic Canada — Hey you. Yeah, the guy who wears shorts when it’s too cold outside.
I’m not talking about “I just took out the garbage” or “ran to the mailbox” guy. I mean “went to the grocery store, walked the kids to school, and went for a morning 5K” in shorts guy.
To clarify, I’m not a wimp that wears three layers at work, turns the heat on in September and wears a toque to a hockey rink. My outdoor plants are all dead. I nearly slipped on my back deck when I went out to scrape my windshield off. My dog’s warm morning turd smouldered like a fog machine at a Britney Spears concert. It’s cold now.
Maybe I’m jealous. You’ve clearly been working on your calf muscles. You don’t skip leg day. Well done, you; but maybe you could be a bit more modest. I think we all could have waited until next spring to see the results of your efforts in spin class or that Beachbody subscription.
I’m going to help you out. Three words: Lined. Track. Pants.
They’re awesome. They’re almost as easy to put on as shorts, wrinkle-resistant, and not as offensive as grey jogging pants. No more wind on your willy, breeze on your biscuits, icicle on your pickle or frost on your hotdog.