Fredericton — Facebook has always been a great place to show off, but lately egotists everywhere have taken over the social media site’s recommendations feature to post their barely back-door brags.
“I don’t mind outright bragging, really — like the cute baby pics, or the weight loss successes — at least these people aren’t hiding anything. But when you mask your brag in a fake plea for suggestions? There’s something gross about that,” said Fredericton woman Greta Fullarton.
“Now if you’ll excuse me,” she said, opening the Facebook app on her phone, “I’m trying to ask my friends for some advice on what to do when your kids’ grades are too good. Like should I be contacting the school to get some extra work for them? I’m really at a loss here!”
UNB student Corey Gallant was sitting in Read’s coffee shop this morning with law textbooks atop his table, spines facing outward so everyone could see. Our reporter walked behind him to peek at what he was doing on his laptop, and he was writing a braggy Facebook status.
“Studying for my LSATs and having a hard time finding a quiet place to get down to it. Any ideas, Facebook peeps? I just need somewhere that I can focus with no distractions — looking for recommendations.”
Another local showboat, Kylie Ingersoll, is even less subtle when it comes to tooting her own horn.
“I keep getting hit on at the gym! Any other hot ladies have this problem? Desperately seeking recommendations on how to let men know I’m only there to work out!” posted Ingersoll, along with a selfie in which she’s wearing only sheer Lululemon yoga shorts and a sports bra.
Not to be outdone, Ingersoll’s Facebook friend Jenna Smith took her own gloating to a disgusting level:
“Any advice on how to balance working full time, going to school full time, tutoring and volunteering while staying awesome and maintaining a 4.0 gpa? HALP!”
Because no one showered her with the attention she so sorely craves, just an hour later Smith posted another status pretending to ask for help.
“So, I’m planning a solo backpacking trip around Europe next summer and I’m looking for recommendations on where to stay. Nowhere fancy — I want it to be an authentic experience…serious suggestions only!!!”
Not even one friend offered any recommendations, but most of them did “unfollow” her.