Maritime parents impose sweeping travel ban on their ‘reckless, stupid’ millennial children

Maritime parents impose sweeping travel ban on their ‘reckless, stupid’ millennial children

Atlantic Canada — With the Canadian government issuing a warning this week to tourists about the dangers of travelling to Jamaica’s popular Montego Bay area, a group of Maritime parents are taking things one step further by imposing an outright travel ban on their adult offspring.

The Manatee sat down for an interview with the group’s founders, Patricia Sandler and Elaine LeBlanc, who are collectively the mothers of “five reckless, stupid millennial children that we just love to pieces.”

“Every year it just seems to get worse,” said Sandler with a sigh. “I watch the CBC, the CNN, the CTV…really any news source I can to make sure that I’m getting the full scoop. I told the kids years ago that Mexico was absolutely off limits, but did they listen? Of course not! Michael went and ran off to Cancun on his honeymoon and I didn’t sleep a wink for an entire week!”

LeBlanc explained that the pair came up with the idea for an online community group while they were hunkered down during the latest winter storm. The two women haven’t worked in years but told us that they had a big day planned.

“We were going to hit the Sobeys and the Walmart for sure,” said LeBlanc, “maybe the dollar store and Tims on the way back…although we’re both kind of mad at Tims right now over that whole minimum wage thing, so maybe the McDonald’s instead.”

“Then that darn nor’easter showed up,” said Sandler, “and well, neither of us drive in the snow, after dark or when it’s raining, so suddenly our calendar was wide open! We flipped on the CNN to get the latest on Trump — we really really hate that man! — and then the phone rang, it was Elaine’s youngest Chris, he said that he’d just booked tickets to a country concert.”

“Well our hearts just sank,” Leblanc elaborated. “A country concert…can you imagine, after the whole Vegas thing! And this one was in Chicago — that’s like the Mexico of the USA! Between that, the Jamaica thing and the nuclear bomb that will inevitably hit Hawaii we’d reached our breaking point.

“It didn’t take us long to realize that the only way to really get the attention of kids these days is through the social media. We started one of those group things and within a couple of days we had 27 members. We figure that’s more than enough to impose a legitimate travel ban. We call ourselves Parents Against Resorts, AirBnB, Nevada and Other International Destinations. That’s P.A.R.A.N.O.I.D. for short.”

As per the group’s social media page the travel ban is effective immediately on all millennial children, and instead of travelling they should use vacation time to visit their parents for longer than just a weekend here and there.

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