New Brunswick — Hammering the final nail in the coffin of New Brunswick’s independence, the provincial Department of Health has fired one of its most prominent scientists and medical professionals, according to pretty much everyone except the DOH itself and the perennially silent Irving family.
Dr. Eilish Cleary, New Brunswick’s chief medical officer of health, has for years been researching the effects on public health of the herbicide glyphosate, among other important tasks. No coincidence, she had been put on leave several weeks ago, and now she says she was fired “without cause.”
We all know, though, that the cause was that the province of New Brunswick is, and will continue to be, Irving’s little bitch.
“It had nothing to do with her research on glyphosate,” stammered Irving Oil representative Martin Wright. “How would that even affect us? In fact, I wasn’t supposed to be talking to any non-Irving-owned media about that herbicide, and especially not about how Cleary was fired. Uh… I mean… she was fired? I wasn’t aware.”
The Department of Health would also not confirm that Cleary had been fired. “Her skill set did not meet the needs of the employer,” said one rep we spoke with. “It was an HR issue,” said another. “It had to do with personnel,” claimed another.
“For the record, we do not just do whatever the Irvings and NB Power tell us,” said Health Minister Victor Boudreau, longtime little bitch. “They’re not the boss of us. I can neither confirm nor deny that Cleary was fired, and will not comment further. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go see if any of the Irvings need anything. I don’t want to get fired too!”
There have been countless previous and ongoing examples of the province of New Brunswick bowing to pressure put on them by the Irvings, including, but not limited to:
- Allowing the family buy and control every single newspaper, ensuring that no negative press can get out about their dirty deeds and guaranteeing bottom-of-the-barrel quality of journalism;
- Exempting them from paying major tax dollars, when if they did pay, the quality of life for the average New Brunswicker would increase;
- Looking the other way while they clear-cut vast areas of the province for their pulp and paper mills, letting them tell us: “Think of the job-creation!”;
- Generally allowing them to do whatever they want, whenever they want, without having to account to anyone.
“The Gallant government, in my mind, has a lot of questions to answer,” said Former Tory health minister Ted Flemming, “and as for Cleary, I guess she just wasn’t enough of a weak-willed little bitch to succeed in this province.”