Florenceville-Bristol — Pete Darling of Florenceville-Bristol, N.B., sets out each new year to accomplish something big. This year, he’s resolved to read a single entire issue of the provincial newspaper the Telegraph-Journal, front to back.
“My neighbour up the road, he plans to read the Bible straight through this year. I thought I’d one-up him and read something even more tedious and far-fetched — one full issue of the T-J,” said Darling. “I don’t know anyone who’s ever done it, so I’ll be the first. I’m going to divide each section — from opinions to obits — into four smaller sections, to make it easier to get through. Divide and conquer, right?”
Darling figures he’ll need to read a paragraph of the issue each day, and he should be done by October at the latest.
“See, I’ve been subscribing to that old rag for years. I never got around to cancelling. This is the year, though, that I’m going to hunker down and read it. One issue, I mean.”
Darling plans to read a Monday edition, because it’s substantially shorter than, say, the Saturday newspaper.
“You gotta start small. We’re pretty slow readers up here in Florenceville-Bristol, which is probably why buddy up the road made CBC News just for his plan to read the Bible. My niece down in Fredericton had to read the Bible twice in two months as punishment for staying out past curfew, and that wasn’t considered a feat of any kind. But that’s Fredericton. It’s different.”
At press time, Darling was in the middle of the Saint John courts section, reading abut the many impaired motorists who were charged over the weekend.
“Huh, they got drunk drivers there too. See? I’m learning a lot already!”