New Brunswick — Local man Jake Armstrong has a strong smell coming from under his arms — and his friends are stepping in to help.
“It’s a New Year’s resolution we’re making on his behalf. He thinks of deodorant as…optional,” said Sarah McGee, one of many victims of Armstrong’s odour. “It’s not as bad in the winter, but I think we need to help him out now, before it gets any worse. In the summer you can’t even go near him.”
At this point it’s unclear whether Armstrong is aware that others are put off by his stench.
“I mean, if he knew about it, he’d do something, right?” queried McGee. “But then again, can he not smell himself? Did his parents not teach him about this during puberty? What about his first girlfriend — shouldn’t she have said something? Or his friends in middle school? Or a teacher? I have so many questions! Not sure how it’s come to this…the guy is 34 years old!”
“It’s weird because it looks like he showers, and he’s well groomed otherwise — this is like a blind spot with him,” explained friend Jeremy Ogilvie. “I know he’s opposed to the chemicals in drugstore deodorants, and that’s totally understandable, but there are some decent natural options out there these days. Has he tried any of those? It sure doesn’t smell like it.”
The friends have invited Armstrong to a “party” this weekend that will actually be an intervention.
“A few of us wrote letters explaining how his stench has affected our lives, but more importantly, his life,” said Ogilvie. “Who knows how many opportunities he’s lost because of the smell? He’s probably missed out on jobs when the interviewer gets a whiff of him. He’s definitely offended romantic prospects. He’s invited me to go to the gym with him before, but I always make up an excuse. If he stinks this much standing still, I can’t imagine how bad it’d be when he’s really exerting himself — it would be unbearable!
“It’s not going to be easy for him to hear, but true friends don’t let other friends reek, right? I think I’d want to know.”