New Brunswick — As a followup to our How to please your man piece, here are some tips for guys trying to land one of our many amazing New Brunswick women.
1) Give her roses in a Picaroons bottle. If she doesn’t ironically wear giant glasses and ’80s sweaters, go with a Moosehead bottle.
2) Leave the ATV till the third date. All-terrain doesn’t mean restaurant parking lot.
3) Throw out all your camo. It’s hard to find a decent man in camo.
4) Get a job. You may have to leave New Brunswick for this one.
5) Wear a condom. You may remember these from sex-ed class back in middle school — it’s that thing you roll over a banana.
6) Don’t cheat. It’s not like you have better options.
7) Pay your child support. You didn’t follow #5, did you?
8) Stop playing video games long enough to call her back. Studies have shown a direct correlation between conversation and pleasing your woman, so don’t start playing again until you’ve finished talking with her.
9) Learn to read. You may have to leave New Brunswick for this one.