How to please your man: New Brunswick edition

New Brunswick — A recent article by Glamour listed a few simple things any woman can do to please her man. Listen up, ladies: Now, in line with other trusted lifestyle magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Women’s Health, The Manatee is finally releasing its exclusive list of sure-fire ways to make any New Brunswick man fall in love — or at least lust — with you and only you.

  • Bid him farewell at the airport as he flies out West for another 3 weeks. Wait alone in a bathrobe until he comes back, looking at pictures of him and sighing mournfully.

  • Pick up his EI cheque for him. While you’re at it, swing by the nearest Irving and grab some of his favourite scratch tickets.

  • Tell his creditors that they have the wrong number.

  • NEVER fuck up his Tims order. If he likes a double-double, you’d best make sure you don’t get him a triple-triple, or he’ll be out of your life faster than you can say “maple pecan danish.”

  • Stock the fridge with Alpine and Moosehead for when he gets home. Wait in the bedroom for him wearing nothing but the accompanying swag NB Liquor hands out when you buy beer.

  • If you can, read to him at night because he’s likely illiterate.

  • Speak French to him. It’s sexy, and he’ll need it if he ever wants to land a job.

  • Tell him he looks hot in a safety vest — hey, if nothing else, it hides his beer belly.

  • Go hunting with him. New Brunswick men love wearing camo and shooting things, so you should too.

  • Brag about him to your friends (but never introduce him to them, for god’s sake!).
  1. You had me in stitches right up until the “illiterate” part. Then it became downright mean.

  2. Yeah, it was funny until it was relatable.

  3. Since when do you start reporting real news? This is true for about 68% of the population 😀


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