New Brunswick — Service New Brunswick Minister Jill Green is under fire for putting forward false housing data as part of a decision to terminate the New Brunswick rental cap. She stated that a rent cap stifled multi-unit housing starts in 2022 — despite anyone with eyes being able to see that this is not the case.
“I got kind of fucked up on rum-and-eggnogs last weekend, took a couple sleeping pills, and the data came to me as part of a crazy dream in which Dusty Green won my riding instead of me,” she said. “In the dream, I was visited by three Conservative spirits who all told me that New Brunswick is going too easy on the poor and disenfranchised.
“I also showed up to a meeting in my underwear. But it still all seemed pretty plausible — you know when you wake up from a really deep sleep and the dream still feels real? It could happen to anyone. But that’s not to say my dream-data is wrong.”
Green said that her normal nighttime routine is a glass of water, a scroll through CNN, and a few pages of Trump’s Great Again: How to Fix Our Crippled America — but on the night in question, she got a little too into the Christmas spirits.
“‘Beer before liquor, never been sicker,’ as the saying goes,” she told our reporter. “Who among us hasn’t made that mistake?”
When asked whether she plans to walk back her claims about the rent cap and correct her error, she balked.
“Just because it came to me in a dream fuelled by alcohol and pills, and may not have been 100% accurate in a literal sense, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a kernel of truth,” she said. “As a Conservative, I believe that you make your own luck — if people can’t afford their rent when it’s unexpectedly jacked up, they must have done something wrong. You can’t always blame the system or society for your problems.”
In a last attempt to change the SNB minister’s mind, our reporter showed Green the raw data on development in New Brunswick over the past year.
“Data my ass!” she exclaimed.