Listicle: 21 facts that prove New Brunswick is the best place on Earth

New Brunswick — We here at The Manatee have grown tired of insensitive people bashing our beautiful home province, so we’ve compiled a comprehensive list of iron-clad, 100 percent verified, true facts that prove beyond a shadow of the doubt that New Brunswick is in fact the greatest location on God’s green Earth.

 

1. An illustrious list of world-class leaders such as: William Pugsley, John B. McNair, Bernard Lord, David Alward, Shawn Graham and of course, the one and only Brian Gallant are all from New Brunswick.
2. New Brunswick has more rainbows per capita than anywhere else in the universe and is the only place known to have an extra colour: aquamarine.
3. The Picture Province is home to more beautiful flowers than the rest of the world.
4. We’re the only known place to have zero deaths attributed to sadness.
5. For overall happiness, on a scale of 1 to 10, New Brunswick scores an astounding 197.4 according to the Official Happiness Checker issued by NASA.
6. Everyone loves puppy dogs and in New Brunswick, dogs remain puppies forever — it’s a fact.
7. Same goes for kittens and baby raccoons — and our raccoons don’t have rabies, either.
8. Our healthcare system ensure no one ever dies from disease, ever.
9. Brian Gallant is the only known human being other than Jesus Christ to have never made a poor decision — and he’s our leader!
10. If New Brunswick were a metal, it would be one which has yet to be discovered and is more valuable than gold, silver, platinum and bronze combined.
11. It’s actually impossible not to smile while in New Brunswick.
12. An orgasm in New Brunswick is 9,000 times more intense than anywhere else in the world.
13. Hawaii is actually a manmade island modelled after New Brunswick in the 1950s.
14. Stephen Horsman is actually Batman.
15. Diamonds were invented by a prophetic scientist who was able to see into the future and modelled them from the eyes of current New Brunswick leader Brian Gallant.
16. All dogs really do go to heaven, and it’s called New Brunswick.
17. New Brunswick is the actual birthplace of Gandhi, Elvis Presley, all of the popes and David Beckham.
18. New Brunswick gambling laws prohibit us from having a provincial lottery, because New Brunswickers are already lucky enough to live in such an amazing place.
19. New Brunswick water is known to cure all forms of cancer and it even clears up acne.
20. When a mosquito bites you in New Brunswick, it’s actually giving you vitamins and nutrients and improving your overall health and happiness — and it feels good.
21. New Brunswick is the only province or state in North America with only one bad town or city to live in: St. Stephen.