Fredericton — Chad McJockington is the self-proclaimed “King of the Field,” but will he be “King of the Streets”? At a football match today the Fredericton High School “golden boy” challenged arch-nemesis Toby Forewith, captain of the Leo Hayes High School football team, to a drag race down Regent Street this Friday at noon after McJockington saw Forewith kissing McJockinton’s former girlfriend Staci Thibodeau, “queen bee” of École Sainte-Anne.
“So I ran up to him, threw my helmet down, and yelled at him to stay away from my girl,” said McJockington, forehead glistening with the testosterone-fuelled sweat of an alpha male.
Witnesses said that a tense mood fell on the field as Forewith laughed and insulted McJockington’s manhood, athletic skill, and most importantly, his courage.
“Nobody calls me a coward. Nobody.” said McJockinton to his entourage.
“He said ‘Let’s settle this like men — on the streets,'” recalls Forewith, with his arm possessively wrapped around Thibodeau’s waist. “That’s when I knew I had him, and Staci would be attending the Promcoming Dance with me for sure.”
Analysts are predicting McJockinton’s 2-door hatchback Honda Civic will have a tough time outpacing Forewith’s 2-door Acura Integra.
“It all comes down to who’s got the biggest balls,” explained Jim Goodman, an engineering professor at the University of New Brunswick.
“They won’t have two lanes for very long, so somebody is going to chicken out at the last second. That’s the crucial moment when the boys are separated from the men.”
Thibodeau has conflicted feelings about the high-speed race.
“At first I was going to cheer for my Toby-bear, but then I remembered all the times Chad and I made out at the Mactaquac Dam. It’s just hard, you know?”
Check back Friday for live coverage of the race with commentators from the Geary Speedway 660.