Fredericton — Loblaws stores across Canada are escalating their approach to preventing theft.
Recent techniques to ensure customers can’t steal have included: installing plexiglass barriers at entrances and exits; applying “Thank You” stickers to commonly shoplifted items so staff know products have been paid for; adding more security cameras at self-checkouts; and in some cases, even randomly locking carts and demanding customers show their receipt and bag contents.
Now, staff are also being authorized to execute strip-searches when a customer is suspected of stealing from the grocery giant.
“This is what you’ve driven us to, people,” said Loblaws CEO Per Bank — yes, that is his real name — when reporters questioned the unorthodox approach. “As they say in my native Denmark, nok er nok, which means, enough is enough!
“We give you nothing but excellent deals like 10 dollar butter, 20 dollar cheese or 70 dollar baby formula, and you repay us by stealing. Which, by the way, only harms the employees whose salaries we’re forced to reduce even further. You should all be ashamed.”
As of May 1, stores will begin strip-searching those suspected of stealing even lower-cost items such as the frequently rotting 50% off produce.
The Manatee caught up with shoppers at a local Superstore to glean their opinions.
“Well I guess how I feel about this depends who’s doing the search,” said Ken Morrison, 38. “Is it going to be a cute girl or some old guy? Do I have a choice?”
Amanda Ingersoll, 41, said she won’t succumb to a strip-search, no matter how attractive the employee demanding it.
“It’s just groceries — what am I going to hide under my clothes? Dog food? Some frozen chicken nuggets? This is all getting so ridiculous. That’s what I’m participating in the Loblaw boycott starting tomorrow. I highly doubt the local meat market will be strip-searching people who are supporting their business. That’s pure Weston greed.”
The Manatee mentioned this very boycott, which began in the subreddit r/loblawsisoutofcontrol and has rapidly gained momentum among hungry Canadians, to Per Bank.
“These peasants will come crawling back for more, like they always do. And as for the strip-searching, I always say, you need to earn your right to privacy. And how do you earn your privacy? The same way you earn PC Optimum points: by giving away your rights and your money to the Loblaws corporation.”
I support the boycott. I no longer shop at the Superstore. I no longer use my PC credit card. The weston family is out of control. Profits are huge and prices are out of control st the stores.
Are you serious that Per Bank said this?
If so, I’d gladly show him what peasants can do to respond to his arrogance!
Lol perfect!
I stopped dealing with all Loblaws companies a month ago. I live in a smallish city but I will gladly drive 15 or 20 minutes to the other side of town and shop at Wal-Mart. I’d rather give my money to a huge conglomerate than Galen and his band of corrupt thieves and crooks. Walmart is more Canadian than Loblaws.