Man spends 45 minutes mansplaining plot of ‘Blade Runner’ to sex doll

Man spends 45 minutes mansplaining plot of ‘Blade Runner’ to sex doll

Kentville — Tanya Cohen, who lives in the apartment adjacent to Jamie Newton, described hearing low mutterings punctuated by high, excited “but, actually(s)” at approximately 1:00 a.m., Feb. 7.

“My walls aren’t thin,” said Cohen, “so the fact I know he was talking about Blade Runner means Jamie was really putting his heart into it.”

Cohen recalled visiting Newton when he first moved in to the Annapolis Valley three-storey home.

“I showed up with cookies, cause that’s what I do. The first thing I see when he opens the door is a giant Harrison Ford poster. He said ‘thanks’ and stared at my boobs before looking at his feet and shutting the door.”

Newton’s impassioned monologue was prompted by a viewing of a trailer for an impending sequel entitled Blade Runner 2049, starring Ryan Gosling.

The doll, whose name could not be confirmed but whose serial number read as 336-2017 on the delivery manifest, maintained a stoic expression as Newton pontificated on the various ramifications of the film’s existence.

“It all depends on what cut of the film you view as canon. You’ve got the Workprint, the U.S. Theatrical Cut, the International Cut, the Director’s Cut and the Final Cut. Me, I go with the Director’s Cut.”

He added: “This is a Director’s Cut household.”

336-2017 declined to be interviewed for this article but The Manatee has learned that even without a semblance of anima or free will, she has refused to have sex with Newton and plans to move out as soon as possible.

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