Military base bans pop and cake for health reasons — still allowing war, though

Military base bans pop and cake for health reasons — still allowing war, though

Halifax — A Canadian military base located in Halifax is going to combat against sugary drinks and sweets by putting an immediate ban on pop and cake in an effort to promote healthier living for its soldiers.

“We take the health of our soldiers more seriously than anything,” said Lieutenant Colonel Anders Hartt. “We want to do whatever we can to keep them safe from heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes — those things can kill you, you know.”

The Manatee questioned Hartt on whether he’s also aiming to keep soldiers safe by preventing dangerous situations — even death — in combat zones.

“No sir, we’re mainly focusing on calorie intake right now,”he said while chewing on a baby carrot.

The food bans are coming after a recent survey found that 25 per cent of Canadian soldiers were obese and 49 per cent  were considered to be overweight — these numbers are only slightly lower than the Canadian average for civilians.

“We understand that pretty much everyone in the country is a big fattie,” said Dr. Farrah Danton who is overseeing the changes in the military menu options. “But, we’d really like our military to be a little less pudgy than our regular citizens.”

The changes aren’t only affecting food options — soldiers in Halifax and other areas of the country are seeing adjustments in physical training as well.

“We’re now all required to wear Fitbits and get the recommended 10,000 steps per day,” complained Private Elizabeth Young out of Base Gagetown in New Brunswick. “We can only eat fruit for breakfast, we have to call each other fatties all day long to make each other want to lose weight, and we all have to wear a headband all the time so we look like we’re really into fitness.”

The changes are not sitting well with most soldiers, with some complaining that this is not what they signed up for when entering the military.

“I knew that we’d have to be in shape to get the job, sure,” mumbled one soldier. “But, I thought it was kinda like marriage in that after you were in, you could just let yourself go. I just really want some cake for breakfast again.”

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