Fredericton — A Moncton man who visited Fredericton today to catch up with some old high school buddies is still rocking mirrored wraparound sunglasses, according to several eyewitness accounts.
“At around 9 a.m., he pulled up to the drive-thru window in a brown 1991 Honda Civic,” said Trish White, 28, an employee at the Tim Hortons on Prospect Street in Fredericton. “The first thing I noticed was that he was wearing those oil-slick sunglasses that wrap halfway around your head. He also had bleached blonde hair, like he was a Backstreet Boy or something. I guess that’s how they do things in Moncton?”
“His car had the Honda logo sticker still in the back window,” said Nashwaaksis resident James Ferguson, 39. “He drove by here earlier. I was outside watering my lawn and he slowed up to ask for directions to the Napa Auto Parts on Bishop Drive. Do you think the guy actually imagines those glasses are still in style? Or maybe they’re coming back in fashion? These things are cyclical, you know.”
UNB student Frasier Billings, 20, saw the man enter King’s Place around 11:30 a.m. “I swear to god, he had a long, silver chain attached to his Velcro wallet, and he was wearing cargo shorts — cargo shorts! — as well as black socks and running shoes. Maybe in Moncton they wear running shoes outside of the gym, but he was in downtown Fredericton, for fuck’s sake. I haven’t seen anything like that since I moved here from Boiestown.”
At press time, sources confirmed the man had donned a white seashell necklace and hemp bracelet before visiting the Regent Mall to pick up some dark-blue boot-cut jeans for a formal event this evening. Reporters are unsure whether the man plans to wear his mirrored sunglasses and sneakers to tonight’s event.