Saint John — After the one-two punch of Valentine’s Day and Family Day, local boyfriends doubt that they can take many more of these so-called “fun” holidays.
“Valentine’s Day used to be bad enough, with the gifts, activities, and questions about ‘where this is going,’” said Gabe Perkins, boyfriend. “Then they started ‘Family Day,’ which prompted about a million comments about starting our own family…honestly, I don’t know how I survived it.”
Now, it’s about to get a whole lot worse. Starting this year, the provincial government has announced “Future Day,” a whole new holiday encouraging New Brunswickers to carefully contemplate their future.
Premier Blaine Higgs said that the holiday is intended to give citizens a “kick in the pants,” and to make them consider their career goals. Boyfriends across the province have met the initiative with predictable concern.
“First it was about marriage, then it was about kids, and now she’s after me to get a job!?” cried Perkins. “Why can’t we have a holiday like…I don’t know, ‘Video Game Day,’ or ‘Couch Appreciation Week’ or something?”
Over Zoom, Perkins continued to pitch more palatable holiday ideas before being interrupted by an off-screen call.
“Honey, I have the table all set up for resumé-building activities,” said a female voice.
“Awesome, babe, can’t wait,” Perkins called back, with a false smile and dull, dead eyes.