Province to subsidize daycare for middle-aged husbands

Province to subsidize daycare for middle-aged husbands

New Brunswick — With the provincial employment numbers as low as they are, men and women across New Brunswick are finding it increasingly difficult to keep their husbands occupied while they go to work.

In order to combat this, the Liberal government has announced that they have created a subsidized “Husband Daycare” program. It is currently available in Saint John, Fredericton and Moncton, but there are plans to expand to other cities as well. While the program is still in its infancy, early response has been overwhelmingly positive.

“I think it’s a tremendous help,” said Lillian Morgan, who enrolled her husband Greg into the the program straight away. “I can’t leave him home alone. Especially not with my good towels.”

When asked to justify the cost to taxpayers during a press briefing, Premier Brian Gallant explained his reasoning.

“Come on, you know I’d do anything for my bros,” said the premier, raising his thumbs and outstretching his arms Fonzie-style. “I love these guys. No homo.”

From the back of the room, Deputy Premier Stephen Horsman began gesturing wildly. Gallant took the hint.

“Oh, right, uh…homo also. That’s cool too. Whatever.”

The facility itself, which was just completed earlier this month, is filled to the brim with references to bacon, sports and Star Wars. One look betrays the fact that the room was designed by women who have only an elementary understanding of what “men’s men” like.

“We were a little worried that our estimation of men was too simplistic,” said Executive Director Danielle Badeau. “That…um, that didn’t really end up being a problem.”

“Aw, man, it’s soooo sweet,” said participant Josh McCully, “They got everything there — foosball tables, record player with all the Rush albums, and even a PlayStation! It’s only a PlayStation 3, but that’s OK because they have Black Ops, which I kill at.

“Best of all,” he continued, “every day we have ‘special project,’ which is like, making stuff — with real power tools!”

He held up a haphazardly constructed, non-functioning transistor radio he had made at the daycare, cutting himself on a loose screw in the process. “Ouch. Look honey, This is what we made today,” he said excitedly, sucking the wound on his finger.

“Oh wow, sweetheart. That’s awesome,” his wife Jenna said, smiling at him, but looking very, very tired.

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