Fredericton — “It’s the friendly place to go where there’s lots of carpet priced soo lowwwwww — Ritchie’s Ritchie’s…Riiiitchie’s Carpet Warehouse!”
This is the string of lyrics that has been running through the minds of New Brunswickers since the commercial aired many years ago, according to a report by Statistics Atlantic confirming what we all feared: this song will never leave our collective consciousness.
The report was drawn up after researcher Darren Bluth got a little tipsy with his buddies the other night and searched for the commercial on YouTube, only to find out that it has been scrubbed from the online world. He also failed to find the complete lyrics, the date it aired, even so much as a video of someone singing the song. He called the Ritchie’s location on Hanwell Road in Fredericton to inquire, and staff all denied that the song ever existed.
“They told me they’re a flooring warehouse now, not just a carpet warehouse, and there was never any song, annoyingly catchy or otherwise,” Bluth explained. “But I could tell there was something going on because I asked the girl if I could speak to the manager, she said ‘yeah sure,’ yelled for him, then she started absentmindedly humming it to herself.
“We don’t sell cheap carpet — we sell carpet cheeeeeaaaap…” Bluth sang. “Ritchie’s Ritchie’s Ritchie’s Carpet — come on dowwwwwnnnn!
“I’m not crazy, right? You know it?”
The report featured thourough interviews with dozens of New Brunswickers, all of whom recalled the song in vivid detail.
“Goshdarnit, now you’ve got it in my head!” they all exclaimed. “I just got rid of it, too!” Then they all attempted to find an even catchier tune to cancel out the notorious earworm, such as that old Crabbe Mountain song that went “Ski Crabbe Mouuuntain Todayyyyy….duh-duh-duh-duh!”; or the 1993 “Don’t Put It In Your Mouth” commercial; or the Greco “3-1-0-3-0-3-0” jingle; or the Vogue Optical “Your second pair is free” tune.
Some even tried in vain to quote Heritage Minutes to themselves, but the carpet song always reared its ugly head, leaving New Brunswickers flabbergasted as to what to do.
“There’s no solution, but I would love to know why Ritchie’s is covering it up. Is it so shameful?” asked Bluth rhetorically. “I mean, it clearly got the job done — we all know it and we’ve all been going to Ritchie’s for all our flooring needs ever since. It’s a real Maritime mystery.”
*Editor’s note: The Manatee assumes no responsibility for the song now being stuck in your head.