Fredericton — For years, local clown and balloon-animal architect “Tinsel” has been shrouded in mystery. Many have tried — and failed — to dig up information on the Boyce Farmers’ Market regular.
At long last, the crusader of laughter is self-publishing his tell-all book entitled Tinsel: The Untold Memoirs, which promises to paint an accurate portrait of the clown who has caused many to experience that weird mixture of fear and enjoyment.
While details have been sparse, reliable rumours and speculation have revealed some likely content; and boy, is it juicy.
“Supposedly, it’ll talk about his real shoe size,” stated one anonymous source. “Like, not just his clown size. His like, everyday one. I think I’ll really dig that chapter. Or chapters? I guess he might write a chapter for each shoe.”
“I heard he’ll confess to really being a super-computer in a skin suit,” said another. “It would definitely explain how he’s managed to pump out all those balloon animals.”
Of course, not everyone is equally enthralled by the chance to hear about the man behind the makeup.
“The Daily Gleaner’s investigative journalism bureau has been chasing this guy’s past for years,” wrote Editor-in-Chief Marcus Aurelius in a heated front-page column below an Irving advertisement:
“It’s justt bad timing for him to come out with this now, snubbbing our hard work. idontcare if it’s self-published and the guy is writing about his own life, it just wont b as satisfying or gudd without the Gleanerz touch [sic].”
According to sources, whether The Daily Gleaner will pursue the matter legally is a question of Irving permission. Regardless, Tinsel: The Untold Memoirs is set to be released this April, with an official launch taking place at the Boyce Farmers’ Market.