Trump fires James Cuddy

Washington, D.C. — Coming almost a week after the high-profile firing of FBI director James Comey, President Trump has made another aggressive and punitive staffing change — this time, to a Canadian musical icon.

By activating an obscure clause in the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA), Trump has removed lead singer James (Jim) Cuddy as lead singer of Canadian country rock band Blue Rodeo. The NAFTA clause gives the United States unilateral power over the composition of Canadian bands formed between 1984 and 1994.

“Back then, George Bush Sr. had a bee in his bonnet about the Canadian super-group Zit Remedy,” recalled former Canadian trade negotiator Bazil Milchem. “The Americans offered us a huge concession on maple syrup imports if we agreed to give them control of Canadian bands formed in during a specific 10-year span. Considering it was very unlikely this clause would be triggered and it was worth billions, we just let it go in without much of a fuss. How Trump found out about it is anybody’s guess.”

Much like the Comey firing, the Cuddy firing is also out of left field and raising more questions than answers. “First, the band has ‘Blue’ in its name, so he naturally assumes it’s part of the Democratic Party and can’t be trusted,” confided an unnamed staffer. “Also, he heard them singing about ‘not knowing where [their] confidence went,’ which is an anathema to him. Lastly, he has a deep and abiding mistrust of rodeos, and specifically rodeo clowns… and really, who can blame him. Them dudes is creepy.”

Trump now reportedly is reviewing the composition of the bands Glass Tiger, Honeymoon Suite and Platinum Blonde.