Sussex — In the early afternoon of Oct. 4, following a youth hockey game, a small argument began brewing in the parking lot of 8th Hussars Sports Centre. It began when local hockey dad Marshall Wise smiled and said to himself, “Boy my Ford has some great towing power.”
At that moment Kurt Hale, another hockey dad, was nearby carrying his son’s equipment toward his 2015 Chevrolet Silverado. Witnesses reported seeing the two men smiling and exchanging friendly jibes when suddenly their faces turned blank. The sky reportedly turned dark over the arena despite meteorological evidence to the contrary.
Everyone who owned a Ford truck then calmly amassed to one side of the parking lot, while a Chevrolet contingent grew on the opposite side. It was then that that a satyr named Horvath emerged from inside the area and blew a single, loud note from a conch.
Daryl Dawson was one of the only survivors of the event; Dawson owns neither a Ford nor a Chevrolet truck.
“The ‘goat-man with the shell’ is a local legend around here,” said Dawson. “He pops up whenever tensions over trucks get too high… he’s sort of like a diplomat, sent to us from Valhalla.”
There were a handful of non-partisan folk: mostly sedan drivers from nearby Saint John who tried to intervene in the ensuing bloodbath. According to Dawson, these Saint Johners were chained to the grills of the trucks shortly before they all rammed into each other.
“I think they wanted to use them as figure-heads, like you’d see on old wooden ships,” Dawson said. “Poor fools never stood a chance.”
Sgt. Michel Lambeau of the Sussex RCMP said they do not plan to investigate the event further.
“Any cop that works this detachment knows this happens every once in a while,” he said. “It’s in the training video. Last one was in the ’80s. We think its a good thing — it purges everyone of their fears and anxieties.”